The Vifl

Our executive assistant (secretary) just sent out another typical request to the whole department:

All, There is a delivery of paper downstairs. If it could please be brought up today.

i’m gussing the grammer checker just gave up on it, as it does with most of her e-mails.

this is the same secretary who will send an e-mail specifically to thank you for something, even though her signature makes it redundant to do so:

Thanks bunches

Thank You,
C.R.
Information Systems, Administrative Assistant

Still, nothing is worse than the person who sends you an e-mail that deserves to be printed as a technical manual. There is a lady who always sends me long emails about the technicalities of her job, for me to decipher into what it means to me (do not try to read this):

Is this logic (checks are generated on Tuesday with Wednesday’s date on them) new that was implemented recently? On past sample listings in 2005, Tuesday’s dates always appeared in ENTERnet and on our sample listing. Now, in our January 2006 sample listing the claims that show in ENTERnet as payment date 1/11/06 and 1/25/06 (Wednesday dates), show 1/10/06 and 1/24/06 (Tuesday dates) on our sample listing, respectively. The ones on 1/18/06 (Wednesday date) do match (dates in ENTERnet and dates on sample listing match); but we had scheduled holiday on the 1/16/06 that week. Also, we didn’t have any claims in our January 2006 sample listing with a payment date of 1/31/05 (Tuesday date), in that the Deltanet system date maybe showing 2/1/06 (Wednesday date). We only had sample claims dated through 1/24/06. à Maybe pending the time of when the checks processed overnight, before midnight or after midnight, might cause the one day difference. Though it does now appear that Wednesday payment dates are appearing in the ENTERnet system (where in the past, Tuesday payment dates always appeared in Deltanet and on our listings). Maybe Randy will shed some insight…

and then there was more. but the point is, i have no idea what she’s talking about! in the end, I didn’t even have to do anything. what’s worse is that she loves managerial jargon. these are real phrases from past e-mails:

streamlining accuracy description terminology…please continue to coordinate your efforts…
have scheduled appropriate man-power in advance accordingly…
keep pace with the utilization of this reporting system…
monitor reported findings easier and detect patterns of errors more readily to assist with system updates and changes for improved processing…

It also seems that too many people do not realize when it is appropriate to use E-mail, Voice Mail, or an actual Meeting.

Too often, voice mails are riddled with dates and long numbers, names, etc. that an e-mail would be much better suited for. But, if you can’t easily convey your point in a 300-word-or-less e-mail, maybe it’s time to hold a meeting and have a powerpoint presentation. Or even just attach a diagram to your e-mail.

On the flip side, there is no need to leave a voice mail “in case i didn’t get your e-mail”, or then to visit me “in case i didn’t get your voice mail.”

I never get angry about this. I get laughy.

anyway, i’m sure you guys could post some too. i didn’t even cover the horable spelers or how about the ones who go crazy on punctuation?!?!?!?!!!!!